As I mentioned last week, I ordered some books on migraine management. One was actually recommended to me by a masseuse I saw, and wasn’t actually about migraines, but about how many of our ailments are caused by our dehydration. I thought I would give it a read, it seemed harmless enough. It’s called Your Body’s Many Cries for Water by Dr. Batmanghelidj. Total waste of time. Apparently this guys thinks ANYTHING can be cured by water. In fact, he believe that Alzheimer’s is caused by dehydration! I stopped reading when I got to that part. He cites as proof his treatment and cure of 3,000 peptic ulcer patients with water alone. What he doesn’t tell you that those 3,000 people were fellow Iranian prisoners. Oh my. Should have skipped that book.

The other book I have started is called the Keeler Migraine Method by Dr. Robert Cowan. Dr. Cowan is a neurologist and fellow Migraineur who founded a migraine clinic out in California. This books is worth reading – it talks about the causes, kinds, and many kinds of triggers of migraine. The goal is to examine your life and figure out what is causing your particular headaches. I have started a migraine journal and am hoping to figure some things out. And I am hoping that it’s not all hormone-related, cause then I am just plain out of luck for the next ~22 weeks. I am really operating at about 50% most of the time. I am losing work productivity, am canceling social and volunteer work, and am so worn out.

I went to see the Acupuncturist last week and am going again today. She practices at the hospital where my OB and other doctors are. I ordered some hypoallergenic pillows and mattress covers in case allergies are a part of this. I feel like I am coming to this preventative game a little later than I should be. I know my family and I tried a lot of different things growing up, but I ended up just using medication. And even that took 10 years to fine tune.

But anyway, when I went out to the porch last week to collect my books, look what I found:

Our friends P & M sent us this booty and hat set. M knit them herself! I totally lost it and cried. How sweet. This baby is already so loved.

And here are a few more photos of random things:

My first strawberry harvest from my garden!

And her majesty, being thoroughly bored:

Yesterday marked week 16 of pregnancy – 4 months! We are anxiously counting down the days until June 4, which is when we have our big anatomy ultrasound! Matt is so completely convinced that we are having a girl that he won’t let me refer to the baby as “he” or “him”. He doesn’t necessarily want it to be a girl, but is just convinced it is. Three weeks till we have a chance to know!

So that my sisters stop asking for photos, here is a crummy one of me at the 4 month mark, badly in need of a haircut and looking like I haven’t slept in days:

The truth is, I spent most of the last two days sleeping, trying to get rid of yet another migraine. I have felt really great so far … except for the headaches. I have had migraines my whole life, so it’s not anything new, but they are totally out of control. I went off my medications when we started trying to conceive, and things were actually ok for a while. But now, I have one every day, all day. And the really severe ones come every 3 weeks. It is really starting to wear me down. This was actually one of my biggest fears about pregnancy, that my headaches would be out of control and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. I broke down this past week and ordered some books on natural migraine management, went and got a prenatal massage, and made an appointment with an acupuncturist. I am taking 500 mg of magnesium, getting lots of exercise, and eating well. If anyone has any suggestions beyond tylenol and coke, I welcome them.

I haven’t had any cravings, although apples taste particularly good to me. And I do have one aversion. Are you ready for this? Chili. Just the thought of it makes me gag. I am hoping it’s a temporary thing and that I will one day be reunited with my old friend. I am having fun scouring thrift stores and clearance sections for maternity clothing. I refuse to spend a lot of money on things I might only wear once. I actually have just been buying regular tops with a loose/long fit or empire waist and have only ventured into maternity pants so far. My SIL gave me a gift certificate to Motherhood Maternity (thanks Liz!) and I had my first “real” maternity shopping trip – where I bought a maternity swim suit. My original plan was to just rock a two piece and let the baby bump hang out, but I realized some people might think that tacky. So I got past my hatred of the one-piece and just got this lovely number. I just don’t think there is any way around looking like a beached whale this summer. Might as well embrace it.

In other pregnancy news, Matt found this crib getup for us. We aren’t sure how much shipping from Estonia might be, so it could be a deal breaker. We have some time on that, though.

Ok, that was really boring. I will try to keep the pregnancy posts to a minimum around here.

So Mother’s Day is coming up.

Last year, I didn’t give the day much thought beyond the fact that my mom’s card would arrive late again, being the perpetually lazy daughter that I am. This time last year we had been trying to conceive for about 7 months, which definitely felt like a long time, but not so much that we were panicking. A few months ago however, I definitely expected this Mother’s Day to be a depressing reminder of what I was missing. A best case scenario would have had us working towards our home study, not even on a wait list yet. Nobody would give any thought to the fact that I was an “expectant mother”.

This year, there has been talk of me celebrating Mother’s Day … as a Mother. Huh. I don’t really feel like a mother. If being a mother means taking prenatal vitamins and abstaining from booze, then I qualify for the title. More so, in fact, than some. I told Matt that I feel a little uncomfortable celebrating this Mother’s Day as a mother because in the back of my mind, there is always the possibility of loss. If I lost the baby now, would I be a mother?  Would I have celebrated Mother’s Day too early?  I guess I view a mother as someone engaged in the act of mothering. But then what about all the birth mothers out there? Are they not mothers, since they did not actively mother their children? I certainly wouldn’t call them not mothers. Perhaps I am just influenced by the distinction people in the adoption community make between mother and parent. I don’t really know what to make of it. I left it up to Matt, telling him “no weird Mother’s Day stuff”. Ha. Good luck with that one, honey.

To all you Mothers out there – expectant ones, biological ones, adoptive ones, birth ones, grandmothers, ones who have experienced loss – Happy Mother’s Day. It’s a very honorable title to hold.

Well, I got in late last night from my trip to Iowa City to visit my grandmother in the hospital. Honestly I was expecting a pretty depressing visit. I remember the visit Matt and I took out to California about 4 years ago to visit my ailing grandfather. I had not seen him for some time and it was a total shock to see his deteriorated mental and physical state. The first moment I walked into his room at the nursing home, I had to turn right back around and leave, my sadness so heavy that I started crying. That visit was the last time I saw him. So I went into this weekend expecting the same, truly thinking that this would be the last time I saw my grandmother. But she is doing great! Yes, she has lost a lot of weight, is very weak, and has only one leg, but she is still the same old Granny. Her pain is minimal and her spirits seem bright.

We had a very nice time visiting, and I was glad I was there to take care of some things for her – laundry, errands, hair styling, pizza runs. Iowa City is a very cute place, the weather was terrific, the food was cheap, and the people were very very friendly. I was glad to have the opportunity to introduce our child to one of his/her great-grandparents, even if only in-utero.

I won’t pretend that there weren’t some difficult moments while there. Her life has completely changed in the blink of an eye. She will be discharged not to her own apartment but to a nursing home. She will have to relinquish most of her belongings. She may never drive again. She spends a lot of time thinking about the end of her life … and all the parts before. She is nothing if not stubborn and navigating the next few months will be hard for my father and aunt. I have a lot more thoughts from the trip, but I will leave it at that for now.